Challenge Day #21

Sherod Miller

In the early 80s I was working as a regional facilitator for the Minnesota Educational Effectiveness Program.  In this role I had multiple opportunities to learn from some of the leading figures in business, education, organizational development and the learning brain.  One of the individuals I was privileged to meet and work with was Sherod Miller. 

Sherod and other researches from the University of Minnesota were known for extensive longitudinal research in interpersonal communications.  At the time malpractice medical insurance was skyrocketing and the University was looking for answers on how to decrease malpractice claims. The study was conducted with engaged couples who were then followed long term to assess their ability to communicate effectively.  

I begged my supervisor to attend his multiday training in the Twin Cities.  Actually the training wasn’t an open training it was being conducted for up and coming managers for 3M (Minnesota, Mining and Manufacturing). Having finagled my way into the training I was surrounded by a group of mid-level leaders all males who were in the program as part of the in-house executive training program.  In particular there was one man I will always remember he was probably in his mid-forties, very distinguished looking with a full head of white hair, small built, quiet and conservative.  We were in the midst of discussing the four intents in communication (small/shop talk, search talk, control talk, and straight talk) when this gentle very forcefully spoke up and said “I don’t have time for small talk I’m too busy for that.” Without hesitation Sherod calmly centered himself (a lesson he would teach later in the course) and said “You don’t have time not to do small talk.”  He then went on to explain that small/shop talk is the way we build relationships with people and as a manager if you do not build strong professional relationships with your folks they will not come to you when they have information you need to know.  From that day forward I have realized the value in timed connecting activities to start a meeting, chatting informally with folks over lunch, a cup of coffee with conversation or chitchat while taking a walk. 

I walked away from that training with a lot of powerful, practical information and attended several other trainings including the facilitator training for Sherod and his colleagues work*. One thing in particular has served me well in difficult situations and in my role as a facilitator during change, the Awareness Wheel.  It includes five parts which when shared in depth lead to true consensus. 

• Sensory Data - The facts of the situation – specific figures, and observations (as if they were recorded).
• Thoughts – The assumptions and personal twist we put on the facts, our interpretation of the data.
• Feelings- The emotions we are experiencing.
• Wants – Unconditional desires for yourself, the other people involved, and for the group collectively.
• Actions – Past, present and future action that have or will be taken.

I have shared, used and written about the awareness wheel throughout my career. I have used it as a protocol for problem solving as an individual and in groups.  When I find myself in a difficult situation I will sit down and fill out the wheel before I engage in a courageous conversation.  When I am listening to others as a facilitator of change I pay attention to see that all five components are being addressed. When I don’t hear one I ask questions to fill in the gap. 

Over the years what I have found is that most people struggle to separate the sensory data from their thoughts.  Far too often people speak a thought as if it is a fact.  For example “People see you as aggressive.” Well what have I said or done that has lead people to think that?  I cannot change people’s perceptions if I do not know what sensory data they are basing those perception upon.  Learning to be clear about observable data and distinguishing that from my thoughts/perceptions has helped me be a more effective communicator.

Thank you Sherod for letting me sneak into the 3M training.   

*For more information see Connecting with Self and Other by Sherod Miller, Daniel Wackman, Elam Nunnally, and Phyllis Miller