Challenge Day #13

Aunt Evelyn

A few days ago I mentioned two women who lived women’s rights, one was Elsa the other was my Aunt and Godmother Evelyn Hilberg Fitzenberger. She was a mid-level executive at Montgomery Wards and an avid knitter. As young women, she and my grandmother drove a Model T from South Dakota to the west coast. Very adventurous for their time.

I hardly remember a time she didn’t have a bag filled with yarn and a pair of needles in her hand.  Each year I was the recipient of a wonderful pair of handmade mittens – color of my choice.  My aunt was one of the calmest women I have known, maybe knitting helped her stay calm and patient.  Nothing ever seemed to rattle her cage.  She never raised her voice; she was always in a good mood and extremely generous.

She owned a cabin on the South Twin Lake – the lake where Elsa had the resort.  She and her husband, Harvey, invited us up almost every weekend in the summer.  Harvey was one of the first 19 employees at 3M, and by the time I was a teen he was a quietly wealthy Hams beer drinker and coin collector. 

Each year at the lake, my aunt would take us two places on day trips – one was the deer farm near the cabin and the other was to Duluth to take the tour boat out into the harbor. She helped me understand the power of tradition.  At the lake between her cabin and ours is a road we call the “whoopsie” road.  If you drive it just right, it is like riding a roller coaster.  My aunt always drove a big luxurious car and showed me how to do the whoopsies. I loved being with my aunt; she had a way of helping me feel special.  When you were with her, she was totally tuned into you.

Her gift and lesson to me was in modeling how to cherish children and show them that there are adults other than their parents who love and care about what happens to them.  She was my mentor in cherishing all children.  When I was young, I wanted to be her, a successful working woman, a great housekeeper, a cabin owner and someone who found time to show people they are special.

As research has shown, having a role model other than their parents elevates children’s aspirations.  “Parents can nurture the impulse to be original, but at some point, people need to find their own role models for originality in their chosen fields.” (Adam Grant) For me, she was the role model of mentoring children. She modeled ways to help every child feel special.  Through questioning and consistency, she helped me explore the kind of person I wanted to be and helped shape my character not by doing it for me but by supporting me as I did it for myself.

Throughout my life, I have tried to be that for many young people – that other adult who sees their potential.  As a classroom teacher, it seemed each year there were those one or two students who needed that little extra bit of encouragement.  As a mother, I was always collecting extra kids (usually my son Wesley brought them home with him) to experience a different way of being.  As Wesley would often say, “They just need to talk with you Mom.”  What he was really saying was they needed to know they mattered and were respected. While working as an instructor in the jail, I was surrounded by people (inmates) who had not experienced the kind of love, care and generosity my aunt showed me.  I tried to be that for them.  Not doing it for them – but showing them they had the strength within to face anything. Still as an instructional coach I would try and find, in each of the schools I visited, one or two students that needed to be recognized – those students who might slip through the cracks not knowing they had unique gifts to share. 

Unfortunately for me, Aunt Evelyn transitioned when I was fourteen from breast cancer.  I still drive past her cabin at least once a summer.  Each time I go to Duluth or to the deer farm, I think of her.  When I encounter someone knitting, I see her sitting with her bag full of yarn and needles in her hand. Today as I drove the whoopsie road, I knew she was there right beside me smiling down on me.