Forgiving Others an Inside Job

Lao Tzu, the ancient Chinese philosopher wrote, “The world is won by those who let go!” Become a winner by letting go of the past and taking back your power through forgiveness. Tending your emotional and soulful wounds is important but true healing begins the moment you forgive. 

Have you made mistakes?  It can be helpful to remember everyone has, especially when you have been the recipient of someone else’s mistake.  Are you allowing the mistakes of another to weigh you down?   After all, you are the one carrying the burden of their words and actions.  You do not need to forget the lesson(s) you learned, and you do not need to condone what they said or did. You do need to let go and heal the wound. 

1.  Take a deep breath and center yourself by relaxing any tension you feel in your body. 
2. Recognize that pain is weakness leaving the body and be willing to sit with the unpleasantness, just as you might sit with a friend who is experiencing a loss.
3. Place your internal judge in his/her chambers and allow the process to flow.
4. Grab a journal and write down every thought you are having about the hurt. Pour it all out on the page.  Keep writing until you notice your thought patterns beginning to shift.
5.  Set aside what you have written in a safe place. (A day or two seems to work well.)
6. The ideas is to purge your thinking without burying yourself in the—should of, would of, could of, if only—garbage pile. Repeat the process one or two more times. 
7.  Read the two or three lists you have written and cross off any thoughts that do not directly relate to the wound you are trying to heal. For example, “I need to pick up bread at the store.”
8. Next place and “X” next to any thoughts you do not believe to be true.  For example, “I’m a worthless human being not worthy of respect.” “I deserved to be hit.
9.  Now scan what is left and choose two or three thoughts that feed the wrong wolf[1]—thoughts that are aggressive or destructive.  I usually have a visceral sensation when I read these types of thoughts. Mark these thoughts with a “U.”  This is a reminder that when these thoughts pop-up it is time to make a legal “U-turn” in your thinking.  You are trying to become more aware of these thoughts, so you can eliminate them.
10. Over the next few days try recognize when you are creating these thought-phrases.  Stop and ask: Where am I?  What’s going on around me right now?  Am I feeling connected?  Disconnected?  Am I allowing someone else to rent space in my brain?  Do I want to continue them to have this power over me?  If I could have one thought that would be helpful right now, what would it be? 
11. Once you are able to quickly recognize these damaging thought patterns and feel ready to let go- start replacing the thoughts.  Here are few phrases I have found helpful.

• I am sending you love and light-- I wish you peace.
• I've learned that lesson; I'm ready for a new life lesson.
• I unplug your energy from mine and hand it back to you. (Visualize a cord running between your belly button and the other persons and, just like you unplug a cord from an outlet, unplug the imaginary cord and hand it back to the other person.)  
• I am a good person.  I love and accept myself.
• I deserve love and kindness.  I allow goodness to flow into my life.

Take back your power by liberating the harmful thoughts regarding other people’s behavior.  Give yourself the gift of forgiveness, let go of the negative energy and be IN peace.  

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[1] http://www.nanticokeindians.org/tale_of_two_wolves.cfm