Challenge Day #26

Donna Oakey

Have you ever found yourself repeating a phrase throughout your life and tried to remember exactly where you first heard it?  Sometimes it is hard to do. When you want to honor someone’s ideas and give credit to the right source you may not be able to find the right source because so many concepts have been passed down orally through story or written and rewritten. 

Often people want to credit Gandhi for the idea of civil disobedience and if you dig a bit deeper you will find that Henry David Thoreau was one of the sources Gandhi read and emulated. Who knows maybe Thoreau got the idea from someone or somewhere else. Another is the priority matrix popularized by Steven Covey but often credited to Dwight Eisenhower – where you think about tasks in two dimensions urgent and important.  Urgent and important tasks you do immediately, important, but not urgent tasks you schedule for later, urgent but not important tasks you delegate, and neither urgent or important tasks you eliminate. If you have read any or several translations of the Tao Te Ching you’ll find it is the source of many modern sayings – one which I wrote about just the other day “Those who know it do not speak about it. Those who speak about it do not know it.” (Tao Te Ching chapter 56) For myself I’ve learned to try and say - where I first read/heard this was from __________ and then if I have found another older source share that as well. 

A good friend and colleague of mine Donna Oakey had been on the school board for Mankato for several years before I met her.  She had severed in several capacities including the chairperson of the board.  It was election time once again and she was very frustrated with several things happening in the district.  In particular there were two candidates running that were single-issue candidates.  Those folks that are frustrated about one thing happening and run for office only to try and change that one thing.   It schools it happens often when budget cuts are eminent and the school board is discussing school closures. Each time something came out in the press or at a debate only one issue was being discussed.

Donna recognized that in public office you need to take a step back and look at the system as a whole.  From past experience these single issues were part of larger issues and where more complex.  Additionally there were several other problems facing the district that were not being discussed at all.  As I listened to her frustration she kept repeating one phrase over and over again, “I can’t be against them or the issue that never works. I need to be for something, not against something.”  Bam! That phrase “I need to be for something not against something.” stuck with me.

When I find myself putting a lot of energy in the form of actions or thoughts into something I don’t want I remember that phrase – be for something. Then I ask myself- what do I want.  If I’m frustrated once I pinpoint why I try to figure out what’s the opposite or closer to the ideal. When I start to criticize someone I quickly try to frame up what I’d like them to be doing and share that instead.

This same idea is repeated in brain research. The brain doesn’t do don’t. If I don’t want kids to run I say “Please walk.”  If I want to stop thinking about pink elephants. I have to replace the thought with something I want to be thinking about. 

Native American’s share this same idea in their classic tale of the two wolves.

An old Cherokee told his grandson, “There is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is goo- he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.” The grandson thought about it and then asked, “Which one wins?” The grandfather replied, “Which ever one you feed.”

This same idea was expressed by Mother Teresa “I was once asked why I do not participate in -war demonstrations.  I said I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally I’ll be there.” All those years ago Donna was right – we need to put our energy into what we want – what we stand for and stop pushing against all that we don’t.  It was a great campaign strategy (she won) and more importantly a wonderful life lesson.