Creating Your Social Network

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Your Social Network

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Challenge Day #19

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Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn Over the past several weeks I have read, talked with others about, and discussed one topic repeatedly –praise/rewards. In each of these encounters I have found myself experiencing a strong visceral response and asked myself ‘Why do I feel so strongly about this topic?’  If you know me you know that once my mind gets going on a topic I’m not very good at letting it go. Each time I felt I had come to some resolution there it was again in a book, in a question I was being asked, or as I thought about my 16 month old grandson – who claps for himself each time he does something for which he is proud. Guilt, praise, rewards, punishments, consequencing, isolation, buddying are all ways we try to get someone else to do what we want.  Most folks believe that with their words or actions they have the ability and the right to get someone else to bow to their wishes—to do or say what they want them to. What they really want is for the other pe...
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This Moment

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The Fourth of July happens to be my favorite holiday.  I love the whole idea of celebrating our liberty and freedom it always reminds me of all I have to be thankful for in my life. I love it all: the sounds-the kabooms, crackles and whistles; the smell of BBQ and sulfur; the explosion of color; the feel of the hot sun of the day and the cool breeze of the evening; the taste of potato salad, black bean and corn salsa, brats and backed beans;  most of all I love the time I spend with my two sons.  As my sons Wesley and Duncan join me at the lake I try to take time to savor every moment.  I try to set aside everything else and be totally in this moment.  I recognize that each moment is a gift to be savored and shared with those we love, the nature that surrounds us and the health we enjoy.  Sitting and watching a movie, drinking root beer floats and cleaning fish all become precious moments. Being mindful of this moment is worth celebrating 24/7.
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An Emotional Surfing Lesson

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Jonathan Martensson wrote “Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.” In Perceptual Control Theory (PCT), behavior is described in terms of a negative feedback loop.  You record the world around you and within you as perceptions.  These perceptions are then compared to your desired perceptions (reference perceptions). Your actions are your attempts to reduce the discrepancy between the present state and the desired state.  When your perceptions closely match or exceed your desired state you may say you are happy, peaceful, joyful, excited, etc. Conversely, when your perceptions are far away from your desired state, you may say you are sad, angry, frustrated or something else.   You create the emotional waves within you.  When you allow yourself to fully feel your emotions as they come, you tend to let them go easily.  When you resist they persist and you tend to suffer more.  You cre...
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