Boundaries and Structures

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Boundaries & Structures

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An Emotional Surfing Lesson

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This Moment

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Challenge Day #19

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Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn Over the past several weeks I have read, talked with others about, and discussed one topic repeatedly –praise/rewards. In each of these encounters I have found myself experiencing a strong visceral response and asked myself ‘Why do I feel so strongly about this topic?’  If you know me you know that once my mind gets going on a topic I’m not very good at letting it go. Each time I felt I had come to some resolution there it was again in a book, in a question I was being asked, or as I thought about my 16 month old grandson – who claps for himself each time he does something for which he is proud. Guilt, praise, rewards, punishments, consequencing, isolation, buddying are all ways we try to get someone else to do what we want.  Most folks believe that with their words or actions they have the ability and the right to get someone else to bow to their wishes—to do or say what they want them to. What they really want is for the other pe...
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