The IT Factor
When you find yourself entangled in a situation or a
perceived problem your perspective maybe twisted and tangled. Finding a way to detangle the situation
involves the “IT Factor”. When my
long hair tangles and becomes full of snarls, if I yank, tug and pull on it,
clumps of healthy hair come out. The process is painful and I lose something I
value. When you struggle with a problem,
you often expend a lot of energy and destroy something that was healthy or pay
a big price to resolve it. The trick is
to be gentle and move slowly applying the it
factor.
At first, you may feel as if you are in it. You are the problem and it is you. You maybe allowing yourself to
be physically/emotionally caught up in the situation. To begin to untangle yourself,
you need to recognize it! When you accept and validate that, you are struggling
with something you can become clearer. You then can identify both what the struggle is about and why you
are struggling. Giving something a label or a description loosens its grip. Just
as with my hair, when I come to a snarl I pause and realize I need to slow down;
I’ve hit a snag.
Once you have recognized and defined your struggle, you can
then try to fix it. This phase
engages your imagination and loosens the grip of the problem further. You may play with different scenarios in your
mind or perhaps even try a new action or thought and see if something
shifts. With my hair, I grab hold above
the tangled mess and try to work below the snarl moving upward. Sometime this
works, sometimes it doesn’t.
To untangle big problems completely requires the fourth it factor, back away from it. I think of this as the observe it step. You are no longer in it, you have moved
beyond recognizing it, you have tried to fix it and have come to the place
where you are ready to observe the problem/situation from a distance. Like me looking in the mirror to see from a
distance what is really going on with my hair. At which point I usually take a
deep breath, relax and realize this is just going to take a bit of time. Ironically when I let go and become the
observer of the situation it easily
untangles itself.
Understanding the, it
factor allows me to quickly move to the observe it stage. When I can look at a problem or issue from a
distance, as if I am not involved and I am sitting in a theater watching a
movie play out before me, the problem often disappears, the solution becomes
obvious or I am not longer invested in the issue and can let it go.
Try it for yourself and see what happens.
Ask yourself:
- Am I in it? Am I all wrapped up in the situation physically and emotionally?
- Have I recognized it? Am I aware I am struggling and can I label the what and why?
- Am I trying to fix it? Have I run imaginary scenarios in my mind looking for a solution? Have I tried out a new thought or action?
- Am I able to observe it from a distance? Can I see the situation like an unbiased observer?
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